You only get one chance to enter the world, and this one's arrival was just about as perfect as they come. Taylor Joy's welcome was perfectly orchestrated by God just the way I knew that it would be. Despite every question, doubt, and fear that kept swirling around in my human mind, God blessed us with a birth story like no other.
So without further ado here it goes, in lots of detail and probably way too much information. I apologize in advance.
In the days prior to her arrival, I kept getting more and more excited thinking about how close we were to finding out the gender of our little one. We had waited so long and now that it was this close, I felt like, okay someone just tell me now!!! I can't wait any longer!
Although, unlike with my other two pregnancies, when I was soooo anxious to get the baby out, I was much more at peace waiting this go around. Maybe it's because of all of the health stuff my mom had been going through, or the crazy (for here) storms we'd been having in southern California that I knew could impact traffic or our safety driving to the hospital, or the fact that Grammie hadn't arrived until Tuesday, but we all felt very at peace with holding off the labor for as long as possible.
But something about Wednesday just felt right. The sun was shining. I had a peaceful day at home without needing to run errands. I spent an extra long time reading through my Bible and praying. I just felt like it could be the day. I also knew that I had a doctors appointment in the afternoon. Since it was just 2 days from my due date I had hoped I would get a pretty good report about some dilation progress from all of the random contractions I had been having. Or better yet, that the midwife would do a membrane strip and get things moving along.
I snapped this picture of my belly in our bathroom mirror before heading off to my appointment. I made sure all of the bags were packed. And then I left feeling super excited and hopeful.
So, my appointment... My midwife throughout this whole experience has been a total dud. Beginning with my very first appointment when she gave me all sorts of bad vibes about my dates for the pregnancy being way off and setting me up for another appointment a few weeks later hoping that things would work out and that the baby would continue to develop... just to find out that sure enough at the next appointment, my original dates were right on track. (Insert weeks of meaningless worry here). Then the appointments where I'd bring the kids with me and she'd say things like, "Hey guys, does Mom let you feel your Baby BROTHER kicking... long pause... OR SISTER??? I was pretty sure that she spilled the beans like 5 times because every time she hinted or said something about it being a boy. And then this appointment where she cheerfully asked how things were going and if there was anything new and I reminded her that I had emailed her about my Mom and the concerns about needing to be vaccinated for what could potentially be Hepatitis etc. etc... to which she had responded to briefly by email but I could tell had no recollection of when I brought it up at the appointment. Oh ya, or the time when she accidentally called for "Meghan" but took another patient from the waiting room back and left me hanging for way too long.When I finally asked the front desk why I hadn't been called back yet, they realized that they had done my entire appointment with another person. Hence the reason why my height got changed on my charts from 5'9 to 5'1 and my weight chart was completely off. Yeah, so I went into this appointment as I usually do, with my guard up a bit.
This appointment was no different. She had a "student" there with her who would do the appointment for her today while she watched on. Yada, yada, yada.... we can't do any strips for you because you were GBS positive, yada yada yada... my student is going to check you now.
And she did, while pushing on my belly so hard and literally searching and searching for a super awkward long time while my actual OB just looked at her new puppy calendar that she had gotten for Christmas, narrating her thoughts about all of the kinds of puppies and which ones were her favorite. Ugh, get me out of here! When the student had finished, she whispered something to my OB and then my OB just smiled and said, "Okay, well let's get you scheduled for an induction date then." I asked her how far I was dilated and she said, "Honey, I guess you're not at all yet... and she said the cervix felt very hard and 0% effaced.
Awesome. The thing that really annoyed me about that was that (sorry if it's TMI, but) I check myself at home, too. It's not hard at all for me to do and has aided us with timing conception in the past. So the second I got home, I checked myself, and could tell that I was dilated for sure at least a couple centimeters with a super soft cervix. I was sort of grouchy when I got back from the appointment. Annoyed at my doctor and a whole lot deflated thinking, so much for thinking the appointment might get things moving.
The evening went on as usual, though. Grammie had fixed dinner, I went up to give Emmerson a bath, bedtime routines followed. The kids were both especially clingy that night asking me to give them extra hugs and extra kisses, and then hugs and kisses to my belly, and then begging me to stay in a little longer with them until they both fell asleep. And for whatever reason, while I was sitting in their room with them, I still had a weird feeling that it was going to be the night.
I got ready for bed pretty early that night. I said goodnight to Grammie and Dustin and headed upstairs again. Emmerson started crying around 9:00 because she wasn't feeling well so I went in to check on her, help her blow her nose, and lay with her to get her back to sleep. I laid down at exactly 10:00 in our own bed and fell asleep for the night, or so I thought.
At 11:00 exactly, I woke up with a strong contraction. It felt exactly the same as the contractions I'd had the last few weeks sporadically, so nothing that made me feel like, this is it!... yet. But they kept coming. Every time, I would grab my phone to see what time it was and they seemed to be about 8 - 10 minutes apart. I couldn't sleep through them, so I just laid awake. At 12:00, I got up to use the bathroom and I changed positions in bed, but they still kept coming subtly. I searched for an app on my phone to begin timing them. Sure enough, they were coming about every 6 - 7 minutes and lasting about 45 seconds to a minute long. Some felt strong and I breathed through them and others not as much.
I decided at 1:15 or so, to wake Dustin up and let him know that this might be the night. I felt silly doing so because the contractions weren't really strong enough to be certain that this was the real deal, but knowing that I needed antibiotics for a recommended 4 hours prior to birth, I thought it'd be better to be safe than sorry. I called labor and delivery to see what they thought. They asked if my contractions were really strong? Nope. If my water had broken? Nope again. How many centimeters dilated I was at my most recent appointment... well, they said 0 but I'm not so sure that was correct.
But when I told them about GBS and that it was my third baby and we were driving down from North County, they advised us to go ahead and come in and we'd see once I got there.
Dustin and I grabbed our bags. I scribbled a quick love note to the kids and left it outside their door. We woke Grammie up to let her know we might be having a baby, and off we went.
The car ride was quiet. Praise God for a middle of the night drive with absolutely no traffic. Dustin and I didn't talk much. We sat quietly listening to worship music on the way down. I was belting out some songs in between contractions and breathing quietly when a contraction came on. I just kept wondering if we'd be making all this effort to get down to Zion, just to be turned around and sent home.
We arrived at the hospital around 2:30. We made our way up to the check in where things were eerily quiet. A sweet lady came out and asked us some questions. She was super slow moving and I felt so awkward because of course once we got there my contractions seemed to disappear. I spent the whole time talking to the lady at the front desk without experiencing any at all.
They put a bracelet on me, and walked us over to the triage room where the nurse hooked me up to a few monitors. She took my vitals and asked a couple of questions. She was excited to hear that we were going to be surprised about the gender. She told me that she guessed we were having a boy based on the heart rate and my belly. I told her that just about everyone I know has said the exact same thing, including me.
The nurse told us that the midwives were just changing over their shift and that as soon as they could, they would be in to check me and see how we were doing.
Dustin and I sat quietly in the room for about 30 minutes. I told Dustin that if I was actually in labor, that when the contractions started to get intense I needed him to put his A game on and be my coach, like my mom had been with Emmerson's birth. I told him to help me relax the best I could by reminding me not to tense up and just keep telling me to relax and breathe. He agreed.
In came the midwife at 3:45. She checked me and said I was at 4 cm. Such a relief because I knew you had to be 3 cm. to be admitted. They changed me into a robe and asked if I could walk to the delivery rooms. Of course I could because I still didn't feel like the labor was all that far along yet.
4:00- Once in the delivery room, the sweetest nurse, Diane, checked us in. She was so chatty, talking about everything under the sun with us. She also was excited to hear that we were going to be surprised about the gender. She wrote a note on the board that Dustin would announce the gender when the time came. She asked me what my current pain level was on a scale 1-10. I told her that I was probably at a 4, but only when I was having a contraction. Otherwise I felt fine. She asked me if I was prepared to experience a 10 without any medical interventions because I had requested to go naturally again. I told her that I would try my very best!
The first contractions I had in the delivery room were feeling stronger. I had to close my eyes and breathe mindfully. I started to grab for Dustin's hand each time one was coming and he did just as I had asked. He brushed my hair, told me to relax and breathe, and then as soon as it was over I felt completely good again. I'd start chatting with everyone and laughing until the next one came on when I'd resume my concentrated breathing.
I could tell things were progressing quickly because during the contractions I started to feel a bit nauseous. Exactly how I had felt with Emmerson's birth. I asked the nurse if I could get something for the nausea and she put in an order for Zofran. She had also just received the first bag of antibiotics. She placed them on the drip and got them going. I told her I was relieved because I felt like I might move quickly and I wanted to make sure the baby received all of the protection it could get before the delivery. She kind of just politely nodded but I could tell she didn't believe me.
Then I started to ask the nurse about how often people's water breaks when they are laboring versus having to do it for them? I kept feeling like with the few contractions I had had, that the pressure was getting close to breaking mine. The nurse assumed I wanted her to break mine to speed the labor along so she went on a super long tangent about how it's better when it happens on it's own and not to worry, hopefully by some time around lunch tomorrow, we'd have our baby.
Sure enough, the next contraction came and my water broke. I whispered to the nurse that my water had broke and I kindly tried to tell her again, I think this is going to move a lot faster than by lunch time.
I think she got the memo on that one, because she said, "Well sweetie, let's check you and see." Granted I had only been in the room for less that 30 minutes, but sure enough I was at a 7.
The nurse quickly picked up the phone. She told someone, "Yep, so she's at a 7 and it's moving quickly, can you page Robin and have her come in, please?" I heard the gal on the other end say, "Good for her!!!"
Much to our surprise, in walked Robin, the OB that we had had for every appointment with Donovan's pregnancy. We LOVED Robin!!! It was like a little reunion. My contractions were intense, but still in between we were chatting about a mutual friend, and their kids, and about life in general and how many kids we had now. I kept telling her how glad I was that she was there. Robin asked what we thought we were having, and I told her that there was no doubt in my mind that this baby was a BOY. I told her I had been dreaming about this baby and every time it was a boy. I just knew it! And obviously my momma instinct would know, right?
I also kept asking as we got closer, if they wouldn't mind asking someone to grab my phone and take a few pictures once the baby was here. I was so nervous, without my parents being there, that we'd forget to get a picture of us with the baby.
Little did I know that the sweet little gal from the front desk would come in and literally take pics of the play by play. I was so grateful for that! So here are some of the pics that she captured.
Fast forward about 5 minutes. Robin was sitting at the bottom of the bed super relaxed. And I was also super relaxed until the contractions came on. These contractions felt much more intense. I had to breathe several times to get through them. It wasn't like they were more painful, just stronger and longer. I kept closing my eyes and picturing myself with the baby, thinking in just a few short minutes I get to find out who you are, Little One.
I probably only had 2 or 3 contractions while Robin was there before I announced that I needed to push! Robin, in her very calm way just said, "So, push." As that next contraction came, even though I wasn't in a position to push I just felt my whole body start baring down and I grunted a low grunt and began to feel a whole lot of pressure. I think it surprised the crew that I was actually at that point because they started to scramble and pull a table over and shift the bed to prepare for the delivery.
This next part is way TMI, but birth is amazing and I don't want to forget any of it!
As they shifted the bed and I sat there waiting for my next contraction I felt so much pressure. All of the sudden I just said, "You guys! I think I have to poop!" Robin again, so calmly just said, "It's finnnnne." And I did... all over what I swore was the floor but Dustin told me was the towel on the table in front of me. Oh my gosh, I felt soooo bad! What the heck? I just took a crap in front of a whole gang of people. I immediately kept apologizing and they reassured me that it happens a lot. But inside I wanted to die!
Thankfully the next contraction came on before I could even have a chance to think about how mortified I was. On this contraction I pushed with all of my might. It was work, let me tell you, but I could feel the baby moving. The head began to crown and thennnnnn the contraction stopped.
Oh my gosh, that was a crazy feeling. I wished I could have just pushed the baby out already, but sure enough the head was fully crowned but the contraction stalled and I just waited in intense pain for what felt like 5 minutes. Robin kept reassuring me that this was perfect because it would keep me from tearing and to just to keep breathing through it. Oh, the burn and oh, the wait! I heard Robin ask Dustin if he was okay, I guess the moment wasn't just intense for me. Dustin started to get a little bit squeamish. Robin teased that she would knee him into the chair if she had to.
100 hours later... or probably just 30 seconds, the next contraction came and they all told me to PUSH!
And I grunted that baby right out, realizing how close I was to FINALLY discovering who this baby was. I love this picture, Robin presented our little one to Dustin to see who it was. And then he said...
It's a GIRL!!!!!! Holy cow, this moment! I can't believe the lady from the front desk captured it. That single second was worth every single minute of 9 months of waiting to find out. It was a GIRL!!!!!!! I was literally in SHOCK. The picture says it all. Even Robin's face is hilarious! I was so, so, so, so excited. I kept saying, "Thank you, Jesus!" "Praise you, Lord!" "Oh my gosh!" "I can't believe it!"
And there she was. Our squishy face, perfect, beautiful baby GIRL!
There is absolutely nothing better in the entire world than those few minutes after birth. The baby smelled soooo amazing. She was so warm and quiet. The room was quiet and peaceful. I just couldn't believe how lucky we were in that moment. The ultimate high! I told Diane and Robin that I just wanted to kiss them and I am pretty sure I did. I was so relieved and grateful for our healthy baby girl and her fast, easy entrance.
Total euphoria as all of the hard work paid off and I got to lay with our baby girl for over an hour like this before they took her away to weigh her and clean her off. And then, her name came. In the last week or two before our due date we had settled on two boy names that we liked... but there was only one girl name all along. The only name Dustin liked and chose was Taylor. It was just the middle name that was so difficult for us to come up with. Nothing seemed to fit perfectly. But in that moment of pure elation, she became Taylor JOY.
We called my parents at 5:30, a few minutes after she'd been born to let them know we had a baby. My Dad sleepily answered the phone, asking if we were in labor. But his question was met with lots of loud crying and instead I asked him, "If he'd like to speak with his new granddaughter?" My mom immediately jumped on the phone and started crying. Although it was so hard not having them there with me, God had a hand in all of it. The night was so special for Dustin and I and that phone call was such a precious memory that I will cherish forever.
The nurses Anna and Diane took Taylor to weigh her and clean her. She was officially born on Thursday, January 26th at 5:12 a.m. She weighed 7 pounds 2 ounces and was 20 1/2 inches long.
We spent the morning face timing Grammie, Donovan, and Emmerson. Their reaction was so cute. Emmerson was very reserved and kind of giggly. Donovan was similar. They both laughed and said hi to Taylor.
The nurse, Diane, stayed with us for another hour or so. I swear we became dear friends in that short encounter. She was so incredibly sweet and kept saying that in her 25 years of doing this, she had never experienced such a picture perfect, peaceful birth. I knew I felt like it was, but her affirmations were very sweet to hear, too. She also kept telling Dustin, "Do you have any idea how amazing your wife is? Like, seriously, birth is usually not like that at all!" I just soaked up every second of her compliments because heck, I felt like I had earned it! There is nothing that makes me feel more alive, validated, or more aware of my purpose than the act of giving birth. I almost immediately declared to Dustin that this could not be our last one... but alas, reality has set in again. :)
Taylor JOY, you are a priceless treasure. A 7 pound replica of your big brother and sister and also of God's perfect and unexplainable grace. I feel like the luckiest woman in the whole world to be called your momma.
Welcome to our family, Baby Girl...we've been waiting for you.
