More of the same...

So I think I underestimated the recovery part of this journey. I'm not sure if it's from medication or what. I guess some of it's to be expected. The last time I was recovering I was dealing with a 7 pounder. Carrying a 16 pounder up and down the stairs and to and from play mat to swing to jumperoo is no walk in the park. I'm exhausted physically and emotionally.

Understandably, I have spent a whole lot of time napping lately. (Thank God for my mom who's been here to hold down everything else in my absence from typical motherly/wifely duties.) But I've been developing some super bad habits along the way... See pictures below.

Donovan has been having some odd changes in his sleeping pattern of late. Our bedtime rituals remain the same: bath time, change and lotion from Daddy, nursing from Mom and off to dreamland... and peace and quiet pretty much throughout the night. But the last few nights, when dreamland is supposed to begin, Donovan wakes up screaming about every 20 minutes for the next hour or two. We've tried both sides of the spectrum: letting him cry it out and spoiling him with rocking and cuddling to soothe his sad little tantrums. Nothing has been working! We're convinced that he must be ready for a tooth to break through. But in the mean time this break in our routine is not pretty!

I'm blaming this on the fact that I can't just pop in and out of bed like I usually do, but lately I've been scooping up my little bear and taking him to our bed to snuggle. This has been the one and only way that I've been able to extend his sleep, and ours for that matter. I can already see you shaking your head at me. I know it's bad, but with the current circumstances it's the only way I can comfortably get by.

I sure hope as I am feeling better and have the energy to go back and forth, back and forth between rooms again that I can nip this one in the bud. If not, I am putting in a call to Super Nanny immediately!

More sleepless nights have created lazy days around here too. I haven't left the house since surgery day and it is driving me insane! I'm not allowed to lift anything and so toting Donovan around in his car seat to and fro is out of the question. I need to come up with a solution and quick because I am so stir crazy!

On the cup half full side, I get to enjoy my boys being lazy with me.

Today we lounged in the sun drenched guest room reading quietly while Donovan was trying to get his Daddy's attention.

Looking at these pictures makes me smile. I love these boys!

Half full or maybe even two thirds, I would say.

Now off to get some more zzzzzz's. Wish me luck.

On the mend...

So surgery day is behind me. What a relief! I checked in on Tuesday at 12:50 and thought it was torturous to not have eaten since midnight the night before. And then I came to realize that my actual surgery time wasn't until after 3! I sat in a cot with about 20 other fellow pre op friends awaiting their surgery along side me. This place was CROWDED! Never knew so many people could have surgery on the same day. Every one they wheeled away meant I was one step closer to getting mine done. I was surprisingly calm. (I attribute that solely to your thoughts & prayers, thank you!) I was given a "margarita minus the hangover" by my nurse before entering the O.R. and it was cake from there on out. I had been SO nervous about being put under. I worried about it way more than I should have... because that was a gift! I can't believe I had wanted to remain awake. It was so much nicer being knocked out. I woke up in post op quickly after. My anesthesiologist came over and squeezed my hand and told me I had done great. How can you do great at being knocked out and having your you know what rearranged... I'm not quite sure, but I was thankful for the compliment. I was in a lot of physical pain after I woke up from the surgery but I was beyond grateful to hear my surgeon say that everything had gone so well that she was going to release me to go home. Hooray! No hospital stay!

I drove home with Dustin and was so happy to see Donovan when I got home. All was well except that I had so quickly forgotten what labor recovery felt like and the last couple of days have been an unpleasant reminder. I can't complain too much. I've had ample help from Oma and Grampy. They've taken over my mommy responsibilities like champs.

My mom spent two nights here and has been rocking the boy, reading to him, changing diapers, and cooking dinners.

Grampy's been entertaining and keeping the little guy smiling.

We've had a few visits. Auntie Shannon brought some Starbucks and extra cuddles for Donovan.

Dustin's been helping out with the pm shifts. He's the bath time/bed time extraordinaire.

And most of the time I have been sitting here, napping and catching up on rest.

I'm on the mend, friends... thanks for hanging in there with me.

And it's over!

I am home and on the road to recovery. I will update with more detail, maybe tomorrow. But I just wanted to thank everyone again for all of your thoughts and prayers. I am soooo grateful to have this behind me!

It's here

For the last few weeks I have been counting down to surgery day. I've been dreading the inevitable for months and now it's here. Is it weird to say that I'm actually excited for it? I can not wait to have this thing finished and behind us.

I have been keeping busy the last few weeks... mostly just to keep my mind moving and not focused on senseless worrying.

Mom provided a great distraction with some "woe is me" shopping last week. I know I am a far stretch from 21 but a pair of jeans for $10.50, yes please! We had a great time shopping together, just like the good ol' days.

Forever 21 provided a gigantic dressing room where the little man watched me do countless clothing changes...

and I did some changing for him too. I bet they never saw that coming when they placed me in the "family" fitting room.

It was just what I needed to feel a little more like myself.

I have also been completely in awe of the love and support I have received. I feel almost silly for the attention I've been receiving. My amazing sister in law sent me some pjs and a candle from my favorite store to help ease my mind, I have gotten cards, texts, and emails from family and friends to let me know that they're thinking of me and praying. And the other day a friend of my mom's gifted me with this book.

It's a devotional, have you heard of it? It's organized as one devotion per calendar day and it's written from Jesus' perspective as if He was speaking to you, the reader. Very insightful. I of course cheated and skipped ahead to see what the devotional said for my day of surgery:

June 7

I am all around you like a cocoon of Light. My presence with you is a promise, independent of your awareness of Me. Many things can block this awareness, but the major culprit is worry. My children tend to accept worry as an inescapable fact of life. However, worry is a form of unbelief; it is anathema to Me.

Who is in charge of your life? If it is you, then you have good reason to worry. But if it is I, then worry is both unnecessary and counterproductive. When you start to feel anxious about something, relinquish the situation to Me. Back off a bit, redirecting your focus to Me. I will either take care of the problem Myself or show you how to handle it. In this world you will have problems, but you need not lose sight of Me.

Luke 12:22-31; John 16:33

Pretty fitting for today, wouldn't you say?

I always tend to feel much closer to God when I'm emotionally needy. Ever since Donovan arrived I have had a very hard time carving out moments in the day to sit and read my Bible or do my daily devotions like I used to. But the last few weeks I have made the time each night to do just that. It's been wonderful. Scripture I've heard time and time again has been heard with new ears. God's Word is alive and I am so thankful for the impact it's had on me lately.

I think the hardest thing about this whole situation is this greater responsibility I feel to Donovan. Remember way back when I was TERRIFIED to just have my glucose testing while preggo? I think I cried for hours when I heard I had to do the 3 hour... Now I seriously could care less about having to have this procedure done. I'm much more concerned about leaving my sweet boy overnight.

My mom wanted to come to the hospital but I made her promise that she wouldn't just because I want someone home with Donovan that is used to his fussiness and little cries.

Even just one day away from this little stinker is like torture for me. I've only been away from him for a few hours at a time. But I find peace in knowing that he's in great hands. His Daddy will take good care of him.

Here's a pic of my boys laying in bed this morning. Soooo sweet!

And I will be counting down the minutes until we're together again, and if nothing else, trying to enjoy some much needed rest.

So, thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers. I am truly humbled knowing how loved I am.

A crappy meeting with my surgeon...

Today was a dreary, drizzly day here in San Diego. My meeting with the surgeon was equally dismal. Here is how it went down (more or less.) The part of me will be portrayed by an adorable 3 month old...

Dr. D: Hi Meghan, nice to meet you, I'm Dr. D, the surgeon that will be doing your operation.

Me:Let's get this show on the road and get it behind us already (insert nervous chuckle here)

Dr. D: Okay let's start the exam. Remember how the Dr. told you it'd be a fairly easy procedure. She was wrong. You were actually butchered by your delivery Doctor and this is going to be a pretty big undertaking.

Me: This doesn't sound too good.
Dr. D: I'm going to poke around a whole lot in there and just tell me when you feel discomfort.

Me: Holy cow, that feels pretty darn awful... can we stop yet?

Dr. D: Hmmm, there's a lot more scar tissue than we thought. Let me show you with this 3-D diagram exactly what has happened to you and how I plan on removing the scar tissue and reconstructing your hoo ha.

Me: Holy crap! You're kidding right?
Dr. D: Yeah, so I'm going to do the best I can... but do be aware that I can fix the physical construction but the nerve damage that's been done down there is irreversible. You're going to need months, if not years of physical therapy to help cope with and manage the nerve pain.

Me: I feel like I just got punched in the stomach.
Dr. D: Also, I know you wanted to try and do the surgery naturally with as little pain intervention as possible but we're going to actually have to put you to sleep intravenously and stick a giant tube down your throat. It also will not be an outpatient procedure like they told you previously. You'll have to stay the night in the hospital at least for one day to monitor how you're recovering.

Me: A whole day away from my baby, no thanks.
Dr. D: Now I have to inform you of the possible risks of this procedure, you could get an infection, it could jack you up even worse down there, you could have to receive a blood transfusion, and there's always a very small risk of death. Okay? Sign here. Now go next door with your crying baby and fill the 6 orders for blood tests at the lab, give a urine sample, and pick up all of these prescriptions that you'll need for after your surgery. See you in 2 weeks!

Me: Uhhhh, this is sounding like the worst thing EVER!

And that was my meeting with the surgeon. PS no lifting my son for 4 weeks, no exercising of any kind for six weeks, and pretty much kiss the idea of romantic intimacy good-bye until I'm 50 years old.

I'm trying to see the silver lining here but it's been one of those days.

Surgery is June 7th...prayers will be highly appreciated.